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In China, do you want to go back to a small town to have a wedding? How to do? Do you accept a “daddy taste” wedding? This is also the general predicament of many young people now. They work and live in north, and they have already had a lawn wedding here, or a simple banquet for colleagues will inevitably return to my hometown to do another. Taco “” —— Young people must have a wedding that parents need.

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Ding Wenjie

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Golden turning

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“I don’t plan to go back to my hometown for a wedding”

“I don’t intend to go back to my hometown for a wedding.” When Mu Yan launched a resistance to her parents on the phone, she felt that the atmosphere had fallen to the freezing point.

The 29 -year -old Mu Yan is from a small county in Shanxi. She and her boyfriend work in Shanghai. In the first month after the two reached their willingness to get married, she needed to spend three or four hours after going home from get off work every day. Parents in the county have a phone call to convince them to accept their decision to accept their wedding in their hometown. After the operation, when the phone hangs up, it is usually 12 o’clock in midnight.

The reason why Mu Yan was very resistant to the wedding of the small town is because in that place, she has experienced too many weird scenes.

The roads in the county are always very narrow. The wedding car will stop by the road. When the bride lifts his feet and leaves his home to the wedding car, her parents will pour a pot of water, which means “the daughter who marries out of the water.” After the bride leaves, the mother must cry again, because “the daughter is from someone else’s family.”

Photo / “Magic Capital Storm” stills

Every time I see such a scene, Mu Yan always has a discomfort that transmits from scratch to toe. She didn’t know the origin and specific name of these rituals, but those scenes deeply stimulated her. Later, she was in college and found a job in Shanghai. With more women’s consciousness, she began to accurately understand the reason why she was uncomfortable: whether it was splashing water at the wedding or crying, it was full of a woman who was watching. The feeling of being stared at.

Mu Yan named these similar wedding moments as the “daddy taste” at the wedding of the small city.

She has summarized that a small town wedding seems to be telling the world that women have left their native families and belonged to another. Everyone is celebrating, but no one cares about women’s own feelings. More often, they are carefully dressed up, and in such a good relationship, they cooperate with others like horses.

It is the time of this kind of “daddy” at this wedding that Mu Yan is determined to escape and no longer cooperate with other people’s performances.

Mu Yan lived in his hometown of Shanxi, and he valued the wedding in the small city. Her mother is the captain of the local elderly dance team. She can sing and dance, often appearing at various wedding scenes, dancing around the new people, surrounding them in the middle. This kind of festive and harmonious atmosphere made the mother feel that “this marriage has legitimacy in the local area.” She needs a sense of ritual of her daughter’s wedding to explain to the relatives and friends around her.

“Because she lives in that environment, she may face the pressure of many people, so she naturally needs to be recognized by people around.” Mu Yan understood her mother’s thoughts, but it was difficult to observe her will.

Don’t respect, whether it is a woman or a man

The “Daddy” wedding in the small town can delay from receiving relatives to the wedding scene all the way, and even extended to the wedding room.

For Jin Xia, who is just 26 years old, the wedding is a schedule that is still far away. In June last year, she graduated from graduate school. The plan was that she wanted to do the job first in the past two years, stabilized in Jinan, and then considers the wedding after the age of 29. But her recent experience made her feel that she had a wedding PTSD (post -trauma stress disorder).

At that time, Jin Xia went to someone else’s wedding. When the wedding car was halfway, the entire welcome team stopped without warning.

Jin Xia opened the window and looked at it. I saw the groom’s upper body wearing red underwear and red stockings in the lower body. He ran wild on the road, followed by a group of best mans, holding flour, soy sauce and vinegar in his hand, trying to pour the groom’s body. Essence The two sides pulled about three or four hundred meters, and the groom was tripped by the red stockings. The best man seemed to see the beast of the prey and fell up suddenly. After a few minutes, the mixture of flour and soy sauce was passed on the groom, and one was even one. The root hair was not spared.

“I was a little stupid at the time. Is this a custom or a bad habit?” This is the first time that Jin Xia attended the wedding after adulthood. As a northerner, she was naturally curious about the wedding customs in the south, but That day, in a county around Chengdu, Sichuan, the wedding of her classmate nephew made her eye -catching.

Mu Yan also has a similar experience. In the small city of Shanxi, the groom and the bride walked towards the road of the wedding car. Their parents would wear a red crown and red and white oil on their faces. There will also be a pink balloon and green pepper on the neck. The neighbor friends around them will apply some shoe -like things to them to make fun of them. The more you wipe, the more festive it is.

Although the wedding trouble did not directly affect Jin Xia, red stockings and red underwear, such feminine objects, still visually stimulated her nerves. “I still feel disrespectful, whether it is a woman or a man.”

Bao Bell’s wedding at the wedding. Figure / Weibo

What Jin Xia doesn’t know is that the Yitong Manchu Autonomous County, Jilin Province, more than 2,000 kilometers away, is also staged in a small northern town.


The 19 -year -old Pi Tao saw her cousin sitting in the middle of the wedding bed, scattered around her jujube, peanuts, longan and lotus seeds. The meaning was obvious. After a round of teasing the game in round, she thought that the connection of the relatives finally came to an end. At this time, a female elder suddenly brought a pot of transparent liquid, and a spicy and pungent smell immediately poured into the peach peach peach. The nasal cavity told her that this was “shallot water”.


“Wash your hands onion and water, and have children smart.” The elder said, as he motioned for the newcomer to do, the careful energy made Pi Tao feel that “the elders really believe in these.” She was a little shocked. The last scene appeared in front of her was still on the photos of her parents’ wedding. Suddenly, she felt a sense of time and space. “How did it have been nearly twenty years, and this ritual is still retained?”

In front of the photographer’s shot, the cousin laughed very brightly, but the camera turned around, and the peach still found the exhaustion in her expression. Before this relationship, Pippi’s 28 -year -old cousin just ended a ten -year relationship because of a different place. From the perspective of Pippi, the “fancy marriage” of the elders is the “dominant factor” that promotes my cousin and her husband to enter a new stage of life.

Active Eye, stealthy mother

In the small town, a “daddy taste” wedding successor is often the “gold medal” in the local wedding company.

The popularity of the emcee determines their schedule and price. The “Gold Medal” is able to speak, and knows all kinds of wedding customs. In the event of the wedding banquet, it is well trusted by the elders. This wedding of Sister Pi Tao is the best wedding company in Xiaocheng, which costs a total of 50,000 yuan, including venues, planning, etc. Among them, the price of the emcee is nearly 4,000 yuan, accounting for 8%.

“The emcee is also divided into grades, with three grades: high, medium and low.” According to Pippi, the price of the local divisions ranges from 1,000 yuan to 6,000 yuan. If rich people want to do more scenery, they will invite small and famous hosts, and the cost of Shan Siyi will be over 10,000.

As a real outsider at the wedding, the emcee is always angry. “Is the groom’s house delicious?” “Isn’t the groom’s bed soft?” Watching Si Yi fun the bride on the stage, the active atmosphere, and on one side, A Tang “embarrassed to use his feet to pull out three rooms, one living room, “She was after 00, and the education she received was always respecting peace. She didn’t understand what the existence of such a secretary existed.” Is it embarrassing the bride? “

In addition to embarrassment, Pippi also felt the outdated atmosphere in these rituals. “Thanks to the bride’s parents for their hard work for many years, and entrust him with the daughter of his relatives.” “The bride encountered the only one in her life.” “Congratulations to the bride for becoming Mrs. X today.” At the wedding banquet, such words, the emcee After speaking over and over again, he tried to create a warm atmosphere, but it really stimulated the nerves of the peach. “The bottom meaning of these words makes people feel that the bride seems to be a item, and she can return it like this.

As for the actual feelings of the bride himself, Si Yi didn’t seem to care. He frequently asked the man’s marriage mood and the current experience. It seemed that in his experience, the bride could feel at this moment except happiness or happiness.

Even the parents will cooperate with such a “daddy taste” moment. Tong Liya’s father had such a speech on “Happy Camp”: “I will give my daughter today to the old Chen family, hoping to get to the old Chen family’s family. In the future, I work more … “At the end of 2014, the show team made up a Chinese wedding for Tong Liya and Chen Sicheng. The words of Li Liya’s father also caused discomfort from A Tang.

Figure / “Happy Camp”

In such a ceremony, in addition to the bride and the bride’s mother. From childhood to large, A Tang frequently went to various wedding scenes. In the face of what adults were accustomed to, she would always be curious: “Why the bride has always been held by her father and handed it to the groom. At that time, what was my mother doing ? “

Originally, A Tang thought that the bride’s mother was busy for more important things. Until one time, she supported her cousin’s wedding dress and followed the T -type stage. Among the relatives and friends who raised the camera, she noticed that she noticed The aunt looked at her daughter’s back of her father, hid she aside, and wiped her tears quietly.

Later, she heard that some brides could not hold herself to enter the venue because of their father’s death early, and would ask other male elders in the family to take the role of their father. She is even more puzzled, “Why can’t the person holding the bride’s hand enter the scene? She is also a very important person!” And except for this link, almost all father who spoke as a parent representative at the wedding was also a father. Essence After adulthood, A Tang was promoted from the flower girl to the bridesmaid, but no one could explain the “mother’s stealth”. She found that “everyone just learns the appearance of the predecessors and continue to continue.”

A decent wedding is a major event of children’s life in the eyes of many elders, and it is also their own responsibility.

Mu Yan remembers that my brother got married nearly ten years ago. In addition to high -standard wedding banquets, there are also sister -in -law’s gifts and decoration of wedding rooms. “This money is actually beyond the ability of their parents, so at the time they went to loans and borrowed money, and finally returned after many years.” After marriage, my brother moved to his new home, leaving only Mu Yan and He Yan. Under the same roof of her parents, in the trivial life, she felt the pressure that this matter was brought to her parents.

“For this kind of face project, I have to eat bran and swallowing vegetables at home. Mu Yan saw more difficult for parents. But the mother still regards the “letting daughter’s scenery marry” as her “task” of her mother’s “task” of her elderly life.

After learning that Mu Yan and her boyfriend had a plan to get married, my mother often said, “When I think you are going to marry, I will cry.” It seems that she will no longer belong to this family. Every time she hear this sentence, Mu Yan will think of the “sensational trap” of the wedding ceremony deliberately weaving. The parents of the woman were crying, the man’s parents were full of red face, and the embarrassing lines prepared by the Eye ceremony in their ears. What would happen if such a scene would be changed to her mother? She couldn’t imagine, just trying to escape.

Who will win?

After the beginning of 2022, Mu Yan and her boyfriend who had been in love for many years received a marriage certificate in Shanghai. The mother has not forced her to have a wedding for the time being, but this does not mean that her resistance has a result. : “Using magic to defeat magic.” Because of the day of receiving the certificate, the mother was determined.

Mother is a particularly traditional person. In her concept, getting married must pick a good day. “At that time, she was looking for someone. Based on my boyfriend and my boyfriend, she calculated the appropriate date of marriage, but found that the year of the year was not appropriate. In the end, it quickly promoted the certificate before the New Year.”

But Mu Yan found that even if she had already received a certificate, her mother had no reduction in her mustard that she would not have a wedding. Because of the lack of procedures such as relatives and parents of both sides, in the eyes of their mother, the marriage of their little couple was too hasty. “No woman does not want to have a wedding. The day of marriage is the happiest and most beautiful day of a woman.” This is a stereotype that has always existed in the mother’s mind. For her In addition to fulfilling the responsibility of parents, it also represents a source of commitment and guarantee, a source of security.

But in Mu Yan, there is only pressure. Her mother is still piercing, and she can’t believe that this decision was made from the heart. “She always knocked on and sideways and asked if I was wronged. Whether the man did not pay attention to me and did not want to do it. I didn’t dare to tell her.

In fact, Mu Yan’s resistance to the wedding largely came from the regret of the fate of his mother. She is a strong and clever person. Almost a person’s master and the mainland support a family. His father has not even bought clothes so far. They were bound by marriage marriage. As a result, the mother suffered a lot of misfortunes. I thought about divorce countless times, left home to do business, and had gone out several times. Regardless of the reason, he persuaded him to come back.

In China, do you want to go back to a small town to have a wedding? How to do? Do you accept a “daddy taste” wedding? This is also the general predicament of many young people now. They work and live in north, and they have already had a lawn wedding here, or a simple banquet for colleagues will inevitably return to my hometown to do another. Taco “” —— Young people must have a wedding that parents need.

Mu Yan often thinks that with the ability of his mother, if you have the opportunity to study and go out, you will have a completely different life. Therefore, she is even more disgusted with the rules that pack them into blessings and customs at the wedding.

However, when she told her mother to encourage her mother not to worry about her daughter’s dowry and buying a house, and she did not have to prepare for the grandchildren at all times. But it is: “I know the tens of thousands of dollars I have for you, you can’t see it anymore.” “Do you think I have no culture and have no knowledge, I am afraid that I will not want to do it at the wedding.”


“I want to liberate her, but she thinks I want to reconstruct her life.” Mu Yan concluded the differences caused by her and her mother.

Since learning that Mu Yan planned to get married, the first reaction of her mother was that she began to sew red quilt and packed in the red suitcase to Mu Yan to Shanghai. In the winter of Shanghai, the air is cold and humid, and 7 pounds of cotton quilts can easily absorb water, become heavy and wet, and difficult to use. Although it was not appropriate, Mu Yan couldn’t bear to refuse her mother’s heart to sew. To this end, she also needs to sort out half of the wardrobe to place the big red suitcases and bedding sent by these red quilts and her mother. The narrow space becomes more crowded.


Every time I saw these parents’ minds, Mu Yan’s mind also flashed a discount plan. Ask relatives to eat a meal, simplify the wedding process as much as possible, and give them an explanation. But as soon as this mouth was opened, the mother began to try to persuade her: “This link cannot be saved, and that link must be left, nothing can be abandoned, and finally it becomes that kind of traditional specifications.” The imagination of words was completely different. She immediately changed her mouth and returned to her original idea.


The most intense time, the mother on the phone began to yell with a crying cavity: “My daughter is also working well, the education is also very high, and there is no shortage of arms and legs than others. When marrying, my daughter has to marry secretly? “Since then, Mu Yan realized more deeply that this is a difficult thing to reconcile, because” the bottom -level cognition of the two generations for marriage has just been cognitive. different”.

Nowadays, the epidemic has become a buffer of both sides. The confrontation between the mother and daughter around the wedding is still continuing, but Mu Yan knows that it is unlikely to reach mutual understanding in a short time. “In the end, it can only be through a violent revolution, or they have suppressed me, or I suppress them.”

Figure / “Don’t Love to Marry”

(The interview objects involved in the article are pseudonym)

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